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|Sunday, October 16th, 2005|
Well, long time no see lol. I haven't had time to update with everything thats been going on and stuff. So, lets see if I can update you on my life without boring you to death. Hmmm. Lets start with the funny stuff. Dustin and Jen was starting shit with me and blah blah blah about the people he had sex with while I was with him. They thought I would really care after all this time. So, after taking so much of it i block all their names and stuff so they can't bother me anymore. Then, Dustin tries to be nice just to tell me that Jen is pregnant. Do you know how many times I have heard that? Way too many. So, its like ya whatever ya know. His brother Darrin has wrote me a few letters and I plan on writing him back so he has someone to talk to and stuff. No guys I'm not gonna have sex with Dustin's brother. I have had my fill of how messed up the Bourgeois's are and I ain't going there ever again. Plus, I am very happy with Clayton. Which brings me to my next part of my update. Clayton and I have been doing really good. We have our spats but when we start raising our voices he quickly says honey I'm not gonna do this I don't wana ever fight with you so we quickly calm down and talk things out which is nice instead of fighting and getting hit like Dustin use to do. Its a nice change to have a good MAN in my life who treats me right. We are gonna be looking at this house today when he gets off work. If we can do it we are gonna get it and stuff so we can be on our own and start our life together. Last night we all went to Charger Lanes and played pool and danced. Melody and I got drunk and we all had fun. It was cool spending Sweetest Day with Clayton and my best friend. Next weekend we are all going to Mango's!!! Hell ya that's gonna be lots of fun. He will finally see how crazy Mel and I are on the dance floor and stuff. Well, I guess there isn't too much more to update about. I hope all is well in everyone's life. take care. Current Mood: happy
|Monday, September 26th, 2005|
|Hey ladies drop it down....
OK, so lets start with Saturday night. Melody and I went down to the Mum fest for a bit but it was boring like usual. I saw Tara Wise though so that was cool. We went back to her house and I checked my mail and I had an email from Joe that lives in Wooster. I haven't talked to him in like a couple months. He wanted me to call him at work so Melody did and we talked for a bit. He wants to see me Wednesday night. We are gonna play some pool and stuff. Then, we got ready to go to Mango's. Melody and I got all dressed up cuz we haven't been there in like 3 or 4 months and we knew we were gonna have all sorts of fun. So, we get all hooched up lol. I had on the black sexy tanktop she bought me with black pants and high heels. She did some cool shit with my hair and did my makeup. She wore this pink top and jeans and her hair was so cute cuz it was cut and stuff. We looked all sexy lol. We got there around 11pm and started drinking lol. We also started dancing which since I haven't been there in awhile I thought I was gonna forget how lol. However, we got right back into the grove of things which rocks. So, as the night went on we danced with some randoms guys and there was this one guy that I wanted to dance with but couldn't find him. Well, during one of the songs he comes up behind me and starts dancing with me. I was like Hell Yeah!!!! lol. I ended up dancing with him the rest of the night. We talked and had a few kisses and stuff like that. He's hott as hell. O and for people who doesn't know, Clayton and I are friends but when we are around each other we act like we are together. Anyways back to Mango's....Melody and I did some shots and stuff. So, we were feelin pretty good and I was havin loads of fun dancing with Tim. He's an awesome dancer but he said I was hard to keep up with lol. So, the club cloese at 2:30am and Tim and the guy Melody was talking to Simon walked us to the car. we all sat in the lot for a while talking. Well, Simon took off but the 3 of us talked til like 3am. We followed Tim back to the highway so we could find our way back home instead of ending up in Stow like we usually do lol. We go back to mel's house and I try falling asleep cuz I had to be up for work at 9am. Well, I woke up but fell back asleep. I woke up again at 8:30am and got ready and went to work. After work I came home and got all cleaned up and went to Kami's house in the falls. I stayed there til around 11:30pm when Clayton called. So, I picked him up and we went back to the falls. My room was cleaned out and stuff so my bed was there for us to sleep on. We watched part of The Ring 2 but went upstairs and layed down. I won't go into details on what happened there lol. We went to bed. It was so cute he said he wouldn't go to bed unless I was in his arms. So, we fell asleep in each others arms but when we woke up the first time he rolled over. We finally woke up around 12:30 today and he called his boss to see if they were working even though it was raining and they were so we layed in bed for a few and ya know....Then, we took off so he could go to work. He drove and I played music. I played the cd that had my would've been wedding song on it and he sang it to me. It was so cute. I wrote him a letter in a car tellin him what I want which I'm kinda scared to know his responce and that's all I really got to update about. Sorry for the detailed update but damn things have been going really good lately. Til next time. Take care. Current Mood: happy
|Sunday, September 18th, 2005|
|just another day in parodise
Hello everyone! So, it's been a few days or whatever since my last update. I've been really busy with work and spending time with Clayton and stuff. So, lets see what has happened these last few days....HMMMMM....Well, I don't remember anything but last night lol. I got off work at 9pm and Chris called me so we met at Charger Lanes and he bought me a drink and we played 3 games of pool. He kicked my ass the first 2 times, but I came back to win the last game lol. I bought myself a drink and I didn't eat that whole day plus I drink them like water so I got tipsy pretty fast lol. We went back to his Mom's house and Jay called and came over. I was in a playful mood so I wrestled with them both and had fun. I mostly wrestled with Jay lol. Fun times. I went home a lil after 11pm cuz I had to be up at 5:30am this morning. Clayton and I talked for a bit. Woke up this morning and went to work. Clayton called at 8am and i couldn't answer the phone so he left a voicemail. It was the sweetest wake up call I have ever gotten lol. He made my whole day. Now, I'm waitoing for him to get off work so we can hang out and stuff. So, everyone take care. Current Mood: giddy
|Wednesday, September 7th, 2005|
|Happy Birthday To Me!!!!
Last night I picked Clayton up and we went back to Akron. We watched some movies and he wanted to listen to music so I put in the cd Dustin made me not cuz it reminds me of him but because of the songs that are on them. I was creating new memories. So, he starts signing to me the very song that Dustin sang to me. It was awesome. We danced a lil bit and stuff. I had an awesome night going into my birthday. My air bed doesn't work so he slept on the couch and I slept in a chair and we woke up this morning and I got him to work. He's gonna see me when he gets off. I promised him I wouldn't drink today or even Saturday. Saturday is gonna be a hard day for me but I'm off work that day so it's all good. Welp, that's all for now. Take care
|Sunday, September 4th, 2005|
|I'm Moving On....
I had a missed call while at work on my cell phone so I cheked it and didn't recognize the number.So, I called it back and it was Clayton. Holy crap! I sent his letter out like the day efore and he's calling me already. So, after the shock we talked for awhile. I went home and picked up Stef and we went to Jen's house cuz we all were suppost to ang out. Well, Jen was really sick so we didn't stay long. I dropeed Stef off and just wasn't in the mood to go home so I went over to Stephanie's house. We chilled for a bit and after 7pm I forgot I was suppost to call Clayton back so I did. I asked him if he wanted to go to Charger Lanes to play some pool and stuff and he did so I picked him up around 9 and we all went there. I won the first game, but he kicked my butt in the 2nd and 3rd games lol. O before that, Stephanie gave me my birthday present which had all kinds of shots and a shot glass and an Eminem DVD and stuff. Yay!!! Anyways...I took Clayton home around 10:30ish and we sat and talked for awhile and stuff. We kissed and he was so sweet. He was like "damn your still a good kisser" lol. I know you didn't wanna know that but it was sweet the way he said it. I'm seeing him Tuesday morning and he's taking me to a trackerpull Saturday cuz I have the day off. I went back to Charger Lanes and had fun til 1am. We did the Cha Cha Slide and the Electric Slide. It was funny when Stephanie and I were spinning on different parts and this guy was trying to keep up but he was a prep and couldn't do it lol. I drove Stephanie home and came home around 1am. Today I gotta work and Clayton is callin me on his lunch break and that's really about it. So, take care everyone. Current Mood: happy
|Tuesday, August 30th, 2005|
I forgot to update that I went to a fair with Dustin's Mom and bf Saturday night. We rode on the ferris wheel and then did the Gravity one. We had fun. We heard tracker pulls and stuff. Then, we went cosmic bowling.
|Monday, August 29th, 2005|
August 25th Neal McCoy came to Walmart and I got to meet him. He's so nice. He signed my cd and I got a picture with him. Other than that, I've been just working. So, take care.
|Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005|
All these feelings I have locked inside,
and some so deep it's hard to hide.
You don't understand how much you mean to me,
but I guess the best thing is to let you be.
Letting go will be hard but worth a try,
because the hurt is unbearable that I wish I would die.
It's hard to let you go,
and move on with my life.
To know someone else will love you so,
is like taking my heart and killing it with a knife.
I never thought I could feel this way,
but there is something so special about you.
Now I look at you and don't know what to say,
because the feeling of love overwhelms me and I don't know what to do.
I don't like looking you in the eye,
because sometimes I just wanna stare.
However, looking in your eyes I see the lie,
and it looks as if you never care.
To lose you would break my heart,
because I wouldn't know what to do.
In my life you will play a special part,
and no matter what happens I'll continue loving you.
Where would I be without you
How do you do the thingd you do
I want to thank you for being there for me.
You showed me a new happiness letting my heart be free.
You will always be my best friend,
and nothing will happen to make our friendship end.
However, if our friendship happens to end,
there is something I want you to know friend to friend.
You stopped those awful thoughts in my head,
and you believed in me and what I've said.
In my life you played a special part,
by replacing that empty, lonely hole in my heart.
I will be forever greatful to you,
so please believe me when I say I love you too.
I wish the hurt would go away,
but it won't no matter what you say.
Why did this happen to me
Your face once more I wish to see.
In my heart you will remain,
but forever I'll carry the burden and pain.
The words you said I trusted,
but you didn't back them up and now you're busted.
I trusted you and you turned my back on my friend,
but I was wrong and our relationship did end.
I can't believe I trusted you,
because you knew you'd get what you wanted when you said I love you too.
Why did you play me for a fool?
Did you think people would think you were cool?
I thought you were my one and only,
but in the end you will be the one to be lonely.
|A New Beginning
Today while I sat talking to you,
I realized what I needed to do.
I just ended my high school chapter,
and now begins the life after.
All my emotions that I doubt,
I need to let go of and get them out.
All my anger and sorrow needs to go away,
so I can start a brand new day.
My life has been shattered, battered, and bruised,
and I'm just a girl that gets used.
I had many close friends,
but something always happens and it ends.
I'm very emotional inside,
so my different feelings are hard to hide.
My heart is not whole,
and I feel as if I lost my soul.
My life has been a complete mess,
because of the certain things I've confessed.
To see others happy isn't fair,
because all I want is to have someone to care.
I loved him as a best friend with a higher cost,
but now I think I just lost.
We've had almost the same lives,
and took those real hard dives.
e feels lonely and so do I,
so sometimes the solution for us is to die.
I feel as if my life will never be completed,
so why not give up and be defeated.
I remember all the memories we all shared.
You fell in love with Manda and you cared.
We all grew up, but remained friends.
However, tragedy fell putting it to an end.
You stepped up to bat and hit a homerun.
Now you're with God having eternal fun.
This poem is about my friend Jason Turner who died April 25th, 2002 in a head on car crash cuz he fell asleep at the wheel. I talk about baseball cuz that was his favorite sport.
Words can never express how I feel inside,
nor the many tears I shed.
It's hard to be the one to hide,
and keep all my hurt and thoughts in my head.
It all started when I lost a good friend,
and the pain that follow vary.
I think the hurt will never end,
and eternal pain I will carry.
Have I done something so wrong?
I never meant to hurt anyone.
When will I feel like I belong?
I just want this painful chapter to be done.
|What's Gonna Happen?
When I look in your eyes,
things aren't the same.
I hope you realize,
I'm not to blame.
We've been through a lot,
but through it all.
We haven't really fought,
now it's your call.
I don't know what to do,
and so much is on my mind.
All I want is you,
now the answer you must find.
You are very special to me,
but I don't know what to do.
All I want you to see,
is that I love you.
That's all I can say,
until you call.
I hope things go a certain way,
and our relationship doesn't fall.
I don't know what to say,
and I was quite surprised.
The things you said that day,
and the look in your eyes.
You said you didn't wanna see me hurt,
by a certain boy.
You said he treated me like dirt,
and I was just his toy.
We had a fight,
and things were said.
It took me all night,
just to get it through my head.
I'm glad you finally told me,
and you helped me out.
Now I finally see,
what he's all about.
|R I P David Gemind
Today is the 6 year death anniversary of my friend David. Here is a poem I wrote about him. I wrote it 6-17-02
Why did this happen to you?
What bad thing did you do?
The rollercade was your place,
and everyone smiled when they saw your face.
I know you're fine,
but I always wonder when I hear "Angel Of Mine."
Sometimes I don't have a lot to say,
because all the memories come rushing back when I hear "I Want It That Way." Current Mood: sad
Hey peeps! I will be adding my poems that I've written a few years ago and a recent one and I would like your comments on here or by email of what you think of them. I've been seriously thinkin about the idea of going to college to become a a writer or something. I dunno, its just ideas I'm kickin around. I will probably add the poems tonight so til then...take care. Current Mood: awake